The Loud House Fragments
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Various ideas for scenes for the show.
1. Chapter 1

**Primate Studies**

 **Disclaimer: I in no way own the series The Loud House or any of the characters therein.**

Lincoln finished his report with a relieved sigh. He'd thought a simple paper on chimps would be a breeze, but Lori and Leni had hogged the TV, squealing about some hot new actor and he'd missed the special on chimps he'd been planning on watching, so he'd had to go to the public library and watch several more boring, if educational, programs on chimps, some of it not only dull, but depressing as well.

There was an entire section devoted to chimps who had been ignored by their mothers or the tribe which had segued into the emotional needs of chimps and how physical affection was necessary for the health and well being of all primates, including man himself, and how they'd withdraw from the group and get sick if they didn't get enough physical affection, like hugs.

He stretched and grabbed his walkie talkie. "Link to Clyde, Link to Clyde, I've finished my homework."

"Roger, Link," Clyde replied. "I finished mine an hour ago, what took you so long?"

"I had to go to the library, the TV was taken up by Lori and Leni going gaga over some actor," Lincoln explained.

"Please tell me it was Will Smith!" Clyde begged.

Lincoln shook his head. "Clyde... I have a better chance of growing up to be the next Will Smith than you do and my chances are really poor."

"I'll have you know Lori said I looked like a young Will Smith just last week," Clyde said smugly.

"No she didn't," Lincoln disagreed. "She dropped the remote and bent over to pick it up and you turned into a robot... like usual, and she said you reminded her of a young Jayden Smith."

"Ouch," Clyde replied. "That's the kiss of death."

"As much as I dislike giving you false hope, I'm pretty sure she was referring to when he played the Karate Kid, which she described as adorably dorky."

"That works, thanks," Clyde said cheerfully. "Not as good as Will Smith, but I'll take what I can get. But seriously, you think you've got a better shot at being Will Smith than I do?"

"Don't take it so hard, Lynn's got us both beat by a mile," Lincoln said.

"Are we having the same conversation here?" Clyde asked.

"Look at the last couple of movies he's done and picture all three of us in the main role," Lincoln replied. "Who do you think could pull it off the best."

There was silence for a moment before Clyde responded, "You know what, you've got a point there. Lynn would have made an awesome Deadshot."

"Exactly," Lincoln agreed. "We're more buddy cop material."

"Luan could do a mean Harley Quinn," Clyde suggested.

This time Lincoln was silent for a moment before replying, "Never, ever mention that to her, please."

"Yeah, I think I just scared myself," Clyde admitted. "The dads say they want my help with a collage they are doing. I gotta go. We'll play later."

"Cool, see ya later," Lincoln replied, setting down his walkie talkie. He tried to figure out something to do.

The door to his room opened and Lynn leaned in. "Hey, Link, ready for some kick boxing?"

"What?" he asked, hoping he'd misheard.

"You said you'd help me practice last week, as long as I got you all the pads," Lynn said enthusiastically.

"I thought they cost too much," Lincoln said nervously, as he remembered agreeing after finding out that fact.

"The coach let me borrow them so I could practice at home," Lynn said, almost vibrating in place.

"I... I," Lincoln saw how happy Lynn looked and couldn't find it in his heart to say no. "Just need to use the bathroom first, I'll meet you out back," he promised.

"Thanks bro, I knew I could count on you!" Lynn leapt forward and swept him up in a tight hug, before rushing off to get ready.

"Hugs help calm and strengthen the immune system," he recalled aloud as he noticed he wasn't nearly as worried as he had been a moment before. "I guess it works. Too bad it doesn't strengthen the body as well."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Isn't that a little much?" Lynn asked, amused as she watched Lincoln attempt to use a second set of pads to cover the bits of him not covered by the first set of pads.

"I said 'all' the pads and I meant 'all' the pads," Lincoln said firmly.

"Yeah, but I'm only going to be hitting the parts with pads on," she reminded him. "Don't you trust me?"

He quickly focused his gaze on the bridge of her nose trying to avoid her eyes. For a tough girl, she had a puppy dog eyes look that was deadly.

'Quick think up a lie!' he thought to himself, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

'You shouldn't lie to Lynn,' his conscience told him.

'You are part of the body she'll be kicking,' he reminded it.

'Think quickly!' it ordered him.

"This is practice," Lincoln reminded his sister, while racking his brain for something more to say.

"Yeah, and?" she asked curiously, wondering where he was going with this.

"Practice means sometimes you have to do the wrong thing on purpose so you'll recognize it and know not to do it in a match," he said, mentally sighing in relief.

Lynn perked up. "That's genius bro!" she did some stretches and practiced some lightning fast kicks and punches to loosen up.

Lincoln finished tightening the pads and watched, glad he used the bathroom before coming out here.

 **An hour and a half later...**

"That's enough for today, I'm beat!" Lynn said, gasping for breath, sweat dripping off her.

"I know the feeling," Lincoln said, trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah, you really held up your end," she said with a bright smile. "You are incredible at dodging. Well, once you found your rhythm. At the gym, all they do is stand there and that isn't nearly as helpful."

"Just doing what comes natural," he said with a shrug.

Lynn gave him a hug. "Thanks again, just toss the pads in my room when you get them off, now if you'll excuse me, I gotta shower. I reek!"

Lincoln nodded and started removing the pads. "I call next on the shower!" he called out as she left. While happy to avoid Lynn sweating on him he noticed it really didn't feel like a hug through all the pads, which made him frown.

"Chimps play fight as well," he said, thinking of all the things man had in common with their closest genetic relative, even though not much had been mentioned in what he'd watched. He smiled as a cool breeze dried the sweat on his body. He examined himself. "Those are some great pads, I'm only lightly bruised. If I was a peach, I'd still be edible."

 **A week later**

Lincoln frowned. Since he'd done that report on chimps, he'd begun to pay more attention to how everyone interacted with each other, often finding amusement in classifying things like Lori helping Lola with her makeup as 'grooming behavior' and Lynn's loud cheers while watching a game as 'displays of dominance', but he'd also noted things like how Lisa and Lucy rarely got hugs and that Lynn and Lana could use some help with grooming.

The grooming wasn't really a big issue, but the lack of physical affection was. He vividly recalled the baby chimps who had sickened and died when ignored and the adults who had drifted off, becoming grumpy loners, when they had been denied regular physical affection.

He briefly worried about what he could do to fix things before smacking himself in the forehead. "I can hug them. I don't even need a reason."

"Hey Lincoln," Lucy said, causing him to jump as he thought he'd been alone.

"Y-yeah?" he replied as his heartbeat slowed back down.

"Would you like to hear one of my poems?" she asked in her usual monotone, though through long practice he could hear the twinge of hope in her voice.

"Lay it on me, sis," he replied cheerfully, bracing himself for the darkest most desolate poem Lucy's eight-year-old self could create.

"Unlit moon, candle extinguished, smoke slowly rises to caress the ceiling," Lucy read intently as if she could imprint the imagery in his mind by force of will.

"The soot would rise to the ceiling," Lincoln said as he pictured the scene, "but you couldn't see it in the dark."

Lucy smiled the tiny little smile she got when she was happy, but didn't want to show it.

"You could probably smell the scent of burned wax and wick though," Lincoln said thoughtfully. He couldn't tell if her eyes lit up, hidden behind the curtain of black hair, but she stood a little straighter, which meant roughly the same thing.

"I've completely neglected smell in my poetry," Lucy said. "I'm going to have to start working that into future poems."

Lincoln stepped forward and gave her a big hug. "Good poem, Luce."

Lucy stiffened in surprise before responding with a soft hug he could barely feel. "Thanks," she said, actually sounding happy for once.

He released her and Lucy said, "I'll read you my new work when I manage to add scent in correctly."

"Take your time, you can't force these things," Lincoln said, recalling Lucy talking about poetry with Luan once and saying that.

Lucy's smile was accompanied by pink cheeks as she hurried upstairs.

Lincoln beamed, happy that the solution was so simple and decided to go hug Lisa, who would be working in her room at this time of day. He paused when he reached the door to her and Lily's room however, recalling that startling the young genius when she was at work often lead to an explosion.

"Come in, Lincoln," Lisa called out before he could make up his mind.

Lincoln opened the door and saw Lisa hard at work mixing chemicals with names longer than most Disney song titles.

"You've come to hug me, since your foray into simian behavioral studies makes you concerned that I'm not getting enough physical affection and that it may affect my development," she announced as she put down the beakers and turned to look at him, pausing to adjust her glasses.

"How'd you know that?!" the white-haired boy blurted out in shock.

"Elementary deductive reasoning," Lisa replied. "However, let me assure you, unlike the common simian, I'm not in need of regular physical contact."

Lincoln shrugged. "Well being a common simian, I am." He picked up his four-year-old sister and squeezed her to him until he felt her respond. "Besides, I can't neglect one data point just because it may be an outlier."

"You make a compelling argument," Lisa said as he set her back down. She wasn't smiling but she looked more relaxed. "How long do you intend to continue this experiment?"

"Half a century, maybe three quarters," Lincoln said. "Depends on the data I get, after all psychology is a fuzzy science."

"Well... keep me posted," Lisa said, turning back to her work completely unaware of the shy smile she was now wearing.

"Will do, sis," he promised, before stepping out into the hall and closing the door.

Luan surprised him with a hug that popped his back. "You are so my favorite brother!" she exclaimed as she finally released him. "And don't ask Y-chromosome!"

"OK, I can buy Lisa figuring out what I was doing, because she's just that brilliant, but, no offense, how did you figure it out?" he asked.

"I have the entire house wired, remember?" Luan said. "Even if you don't have a photographic memory you should get it, get it?" she joked.

"Of course," he said, smacking himself in the head, "and that's how you avoid all attempts to prank you back when we try!"

Luan grinned. "Know your enemy and know yourself and you need not fear the outcome of a thousand battles!"

"That's a quote, isn't it?" Lincoln asked. "Sounds like something a general would say."

Luan grinned even wider, her braces sparkling. "Death is easy, comedy is hard."

Lincoln blinked and tilted his head. "I gotta go... look some stuff up."

Luan laughed as he retreated down the hall.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**

 **AN: It's just fluff for fluff's sake!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Worthy**

Lincoln winced as he saw Lori's red, puffy eyes. It had been three days since she and Bobby had broken up. Normally whatever problem they had was fixed in a day, if not twenty-three minutes, but three days had gone by and they were still broken up and according to Ronnie Anne, Bobby was as broken up over it as Lori was.

Dating the younger sister of your older sister's boyfriend was helpful at times for figuring out what was going on, unfortunately in this case Ronnie Anne had no more clue as to what had happened than Lincoln did.

Lincoln shook his head. He couldn't let things go on the way they were. He'd tried to stay out of it and let them fix things themselves, but that wasn't happening here, so he was going to have to intervene.

Lincoln grabbed his cellphone and called his girlfriend, "Hey Ronnie Anne… No, I'm actually calling for Bobby… Well, I don't have his number and I figured you'd be better at getting him to talk to me then I would. He'd probably just see my number and not answer… If I was asking you out on a date, I'd ask in person, probably while trying to pretend I wasn't asking… Yep, I'm asking him on a date… No, you are much cuter, but if I'm going to solve the problem our older sibs are having, I'm going to have to get him to open up… No, I don't need advice on what cologne he likes." Lincoln face-palmed as she went one. "Well, technically he is single at the moment, but dating both of you at once would probably cause a scandal… Nope you're still my favorite Santiago… You look better in a hoodie for one. Now put your brother on the phone so I can ask him out."

Lincoln was so involved with his call that he didn't notice all of his sisters listening in, while they pretended not to. The fact that they fell silent while pointedly not looking in his direction would have been a dead giveaway had he not been too busy to notice.

* * *

"Hey Bro," Bobby greeted Lincoln, as they met at the entrance to the boardwalk. He was a bit tense as he was unsure if this was an attempt to get him back together with Lori or his sister hadn't been joking and Lincoln was interested in him.

"Ready to have some fun?" Lincoln asked, putting on a cheerful face. He figured he'd need Bobby to relax and open up if he was to solve this problem.

"Sure," Bobby said cautiously, still not sure what was going on.

Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn and Ronnie Anne tried to make themselves inconspicuous as they trailed the pair. Thankfully both boys were far too preoccupied with their own thoughts to actually notice the group of girls trailing them.

Barring a couple of times they had to restrain Lori from rushing out…

* * *

"Foot long with extra relish and pepper, just the way you like it," Lincoln told Bobby, recalling Lori mentioning it once, as part of some long rambling story that he'd barely paid attention to at the time.

Bobby perked up, surprised Lincoln knew how he liked his hotdogs, especially since it had started off as a private joke between him and Lori about how he couldn't possible date anyone who didn't know.

"He's trying to steal my boyfriend!" Lori hissed and the rest of the girls quickly dogpiled her, dragging her behind the cotton candy machine before the boys noticed them.

"Dude, we catch Ronnie Anne and Lincoln kissing in the bushes every other day," Luna reminded Lori. "Calm down."

"We look like we just entered a wet T-shirt contest," Lincoln joked, as the pair exited the log ride, their clothes clinging to them like a second skin.

This time the girls were prepared to restrain Lori, but hadn't expected to have to restrain Ronnie Anne or Lynn, who tripped over each other.

Luna and Luan had to rely on Leni's insane strength to help drag the resulting mess behind the stroller rental stand while accusations about drooling over other girls' boyfriends were thrown around.

"If you girls can't control yourselves, we're going to get caught," Luan told them. "In fact I'm going to have to inc–" Luan got cut off as Luna slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Age appropriate humor, sis," Luna reminded Luan.

"My little brother is trying to date my older sisters' boyfriend," Luan said. "You have no idea how many jokes I'm holding back here!"

"Pretty sure he's trying to get Bobby back together with Lori," Luna disagreed. "He's just being a bro here."

"Well for just being a bro, his date's looking far more successful than my last couple of dates," Luan replied, trying to sound innocent.

"Really?" Leni asked, making Luna groan as she knew that was exactly the setup Luan had been waiting for.

"Yeah, I wasn't nearly that wet even after the Log ride," Luan said with a grin.

Luna shook her head. "Go back to the puns or I'm banning you from all adult comedians for the rest of the year."

Lynn and Ronnie Anne blushed bright red and were looking anywhere but at the others.

"I don't get it," Leni said, after a couple of moments thought.

"Come on," Lori said anxiously. "They're getting away."

* * *

"I think we got in the wrong line," Lincoln said, after they'd gotten to the front of the long winding line and found they were at the Tunnel of Love, rather than the Eviscerator.

"After waiting all this time?" Bobby asked.

"Meh, I've always wondered what it was like to go on this ride," Lincoln admitted. "Ronnie Anne said it was too girly to go on."

Bobby shrugged. He was almost positive Lincoln wasn't going to make a move on him and was just trying to cheer him up, besides it seemed a waste to stand in line all this time and not get on a ride. "It's pretty tame, but it'll get us off our feet."

"Okay, maybe he is making a move," Luna admitted as Luan and Leni restrained Lori.

"Too girly?" Lynn asked Ronnie Anne sarcastically. "Not woman enough to ride a girly ride?" she challenged.

"Let's go!" Ronnie Anne growled, the pair of them slipping into the seats near the back of the swan boat while the rest of the girls piled in in front of them.

 **Ten minutes later…**

"You have lipstick on your face," Lincoln told Bobby.

"Are you chewing bubblegum?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, but I didn't have any when I got on," Lincoln said.

The two boys turned and looked behind them, but the swan shaped boat was empty.

"Does this always happen?" Lincoln asked curiously.

"Yeah, but usually it's because the couple is kissing while in the dark and one of them is wearing lipstick or chewing bubblegum," Bobby explained as they disembarked.

"Weird," Lincoln said before blowing a bubble.

The girls exited through the emergency exit so they wouldn't be spotted and trailed behind the two boys once more.

"This never happened," Luna said firmly.

"This isn't my gum," Lynn complained.

"Never happened!" Luna repeated firmly.

* * *

"This has been a pretty good day," Bobby said as they headed for the exit.

"Yeah it has," Lincoln agreed, "but I have to admit I had an ulterior motive for asking you to the park."

"He's making his move!" Luan squealed as the rest watched in shock.

"Yeah?" Bobby asked cautiously.

"Yes," Lincoln agreed. "Lori is heartbroken and you aren't much better. What happened?"

Bobby sighed heavily. "We got out SAT's back and her's were…"

"Great," Lincoln said, figuring out what was going on between the two at last.

"And mine weren't," Bobby said with a heavy sigh.

"And you can't stand smart girls?" Lincoln asked, playing dumb.

"What? No! My baby is brilliant and I love that about her," Bobby said sincerely. "Heck, I love everything about her."

"Then what's the problem?" Lincoln asked, needing Bobby to admit what it was so he could help him.

"I'm not good enough for her," Bobby admitted, shoulders slumping.

Lori sniffed, her eyes tearing up.

"No you aren't," Lincoln agreed cheerfully, shocking everyone listening, "but then, she isn't good enough for you either."

Bobby had frozen, feeling like he'd been run over when Lincoln had agreed with him, but that had quickly faded into confusion when the rest of what the boy had said registered. "What?" Bobby asked confused.

"No one is ever good enough for another person," Lincoln said, "because that's not what it's about."

"I'm listening," Bobby said, encouraging Lincoln to continue. None of his relatives had said anything like this, just told him he was good enough for any girl.

"It's about **_trying_** to be good enough," Lincoln explained. "Lori never stops trying, she's always doing something for you."

"I know," Bobby said sadly. "And I'm always screwing up!"

"Yeah, just like everyone else," Lincoln agreed unconcerned. "But you also never stop trying. Anyone who thinks they are good enough for someone else, isn't, simply because the moment they think that, they stop trying."

"Like a shark," Bobby said in understanding.

"What?" Lori asked confused, but quietly enough that the boys didn't hear.

"Now you've got it," Lincoln agreed with a big smile. "Love is a shark, the moment it stops swimming it starts to die."

"That is literally the most male explanation I've heard in my life," Lori deadpanned.

"But it fits," Leni said cheerfully, glad she understood.

"Yep!" Lynn and Ronnie Anne chorused, glared at each other, blushed and looked away.

"How'd you get so wise?" Bobby asked Lincoln.

"I live in a house with ten sisters aged 18 months to 18 years with paper thin walls and parents who are crazy in love with each other," Lincoln said slowly. "My wisdom comes at a high price."

Bobby winced. "Well, thanks bro. What can I do to repay you?"

"Swear that if you ever have a son, you'll soundproof his room," Lincoln said seriously.

"Deal," Bobby said, as they bumped fists, right before Bobby got tackled by a tearful Lori.

"Hey, dude," Luna said, as they revealed themselves. "We were just trying to cheer Lori up. Fancy meeting you here."

"It is a small town," Lincoln replied. "I think the mall would have worked a bit better though."

"I suggested it, but then Lori wouldn't be able to kiss Bobby," Leni said as the two lovebirds made out in the grass, paying no attention to the rest of them.

"True," Lincoln said, misunderstanding what she'd meant. "Sadly, it looks like I won't get a good night kiss at the end of my date," he teased Ronnie Anne, "but I'll survive."

"I'll walk you home," Ronnie Anne said as Lynn chimed in with, "Let's go home."

Luan pouted as the three walked off, Ronnie Anne in the middle, possessively holding Lincoln's hand, but not arguing.

"What do we do about these two?" Leni asked as her older sister rolled in the grass with her boyfriend.

"Sprinklers come on automatically at seven," Luan said thoughtfully.

"Not sure which couple's reaction would be more entertaining?" Luna asked.

"While seeing Lori get wet over Bobby would be pretty funny, I'm also pretty sure seeing who gets a good night kiss and who chickens out would be more entertaining. I mean is he going to get a hand from a bird or a couple in the bush?!" Luan finished with a faux British accent. "Get it?"

"You think Lynn has a thing for Ronnie Anne?" Leni asked curiously, obviously not getting it, to no one's surprise.

"Yeah… let's go with that," Luna said as the three departed to watch the fireworks as Lincoln never knew whether Ronnie Anne would punch him on the shoulder or kiss him, depending on who was around at the time and how Lynn egged her on.

 **Typed By – Sitheus Maximus**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Ancient World!**

"My family's gone nuts," Lincoln said, shaking his head as he stared at the door that had just been slammed in his face.

He shivered in the cold night air. "I need my sleeping bag or at least my jacket," he muttered, before climbing the tree that overhung the house and dropping onto the roof. From there, it was easy to slip into the attic through the one window that didn't latch properly.

Turning on the overhead light, he searched for the camping supplies. Thankfully, they'd cleaned and organized the attic recently, as punishment for fighting, so it was easy to find his stuff. Hefting his bag, he noticed how light it felt and smacked himself in the head. It didn't have two weeks of clothes and comics in it, of course it was light. If they hadn't boarded his room shut he could get his clothes.

The vent kicked on and warm air hit his side, making him smile. It was easy to take off the vent cover; Lucy had loosened them all to make it easy for her to enter and exit. Crawling through the vents was a bit more complicated as he was not Lucy, plus he was trying to do it silently so he wouldn't get caught. It was difficult to find his way around until he noticed the pictures taped to the top of the vent.

The pictures were a combination of rough sketches and finished works, showing each room and the people that were usually in them. He had to admit they were pretty good, as he wiggled slowly towards his room. He was surprised he couldn't hear anyone from in the vents, but very little could be heard over the roaring of the ancient furnace.

When he finally reached his room, he was seriously tempted to simply collapse and get some sleep, but he didn't want to deal with them getting angry with him for breaking into the house after he'd been kicked out. Regardless, he was not going through the vents again as it was exhausting.

He filled a duffle bag with his clothes, wishing his favorite shirt wasn't in the laundry, before grabbing his school supplies. He doubted his teachers would let him get out of doing homework no matter what the situation at home. Looking around his room, there was a lot of stuff he'd love to take with him, but he didn't have the room and couldn't shoulder the weight anyway, but at the same time, he couldn't bear to just abandon it.

"I'm being silly," he decided. "It's not like I'm never going to see it again; everyone will realize how crazy they're being in a week or two, a month on the outside... maybe a year... possibly forever?" He forced those thoughts away with some effort.

He climbed out the window to his room and slowly lowered himself until he was hanging by his arms. Aiming for the bushes, he let go.

He could almost imagine he was a stuntman jumping off a twenty-story building as the cold night air rushed past him, making the fall seem a lot longer than it actually was. He hit his duffle with an "OOF!" as the bushes absorbed the shock.

He checked himself over, but it looked like he hadn't broken anything this time. He smiled to himself until he remembered he had to climb the tree and break into the attic to retrieve his camping supplies, which he hadn't been smart enough to toss down before climbing into the vents.

"I really should plan these things out in advance," he groaned before climbing the tree once more.

 **Five minutes later...**

"I need to exercise more," Lincoln panted beneath the weight of his pack as he set off through the woods.

Snow began to fall, tiny white flakes swirling in the cold night air as they danced in the light of his flashlight.

"Seriously?!" Lincoln yelled at the sky, before quickening his pace. He needed some place to set up his tent. He'd been hoping for something near a stream or pond, but it looked like he'd have to settle for any place he could find that would give some protection from the wind and snow.

He'd departed the hiking trail just a little while ago, as he hadn't wanted to get caught camping without a permit by the rangers, and he was regretting this now as the snow really started coming down, making it hard to see.

"One of those hiking shelters would really come in handy about now," he muttered before he spotted a large hill covered in ivy, the wind pushing the vines about and revealing a cave.

"Must be my lucky day," he said cheerfully, looking forward to warming up and getting some sleep.

 **The next morning...**

After the usual mad scramble for the bathroom to get ready for the day, everyone sat down to eat breakfast. The younger siblings were quieter than normal as their eyes kept drifting over to the empty chair in their midst.

"Dudes," Luna said to get everyone's attention as she looked out the window over the sink.

"What is it, dear?" Rita asked.

"It looks like it snowed last night... heavily," she said nervously.

"I thought you kids liked snow..." Lynn Sr.'s voice trailed off as he remembered what they'd done.

"Lincoln!" the family shouted in panic, rushing to hurry outside except for Lisa who let out a loud whistle to get everyone's attention.

"Order people, we need order!" the be-speckled four-year-old shouted. "Lucy check the attic and Linc's room. Lana, Lona, you two check the rest of the rooms and the basement. Luna check the garage. Lori check the shed and the doghouse. Anywhere outside where he might have taken shelter. Mom check Vanzilla and remember to look under it. Dad, I don't think Lincoln's so stupid he would lay down on the open ground and pile foliage over himself, but just in case, I need you to use a rake to break apart any suspicious lumps in the snow and make sure. Lynn, you help him. Well?! Move it people, unless you like the idea of a Lincoln-sicle!"

Everyone jumped into action except Leni and Luan.

"What do I do?" Luan asked anxiously.

"Check your cameras," Lisa replied. "While you're doing that, I'll be checking mine and trying to figure out a way to find him if you guys can't."

"Roger Wilco, General Disaster, I'm in it!" Luan snapped out before rushing upstairs, sounding unusually serious.

Lisa paused, wondering at Luan's word choice before brushing it off and hurrying to accomplish her own part in the operation.

Leni sat next to a worried looking Lily and started feeding her. "Don't worry, it'll be alright," she assured the toddler. "Everyone makes stupid mistakes, not just me, and we always find a way to fix things. Lincoln taught me that."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Lincoln slowly awoke, wondering why it was so quiet and his bed was so stiff before he remembered what had happened. He'd been kicked out, cast to the four winds, thrown away like one of Lily's diapers, and for what? Because they thought he was bad luck.

Admittedly he had encouraged that view to get some time to himself, but kicking him out, excluding him from the family was just crazy.

Bracing himself for the cold, he climbed out of the sleeping bag and got dressed. It was a lot warmer than he'd feared and he blessed the stroke of luck that had let him find a cave, one easily big enough to set up his tent in.

Unzipping his pup-tent, he climbed out and turned on his flashlight. He'd been too tired to examine the cave last night, barely keeping awake long enough to get undressed and climb into his sleeping bag, but he was wide awake now and could see exactly where he was. "I'm in a storeroom?!" he exclaimed in shock, shining his flashlight around and verifying that what he was seeing was real.

He could see a bit of light through the ivy that covered the cave mouth, which changed from rough stone to a slightly smaller opening into a storeroom, one covered in dust and leaves. There were cardboard boxes stacked along one wall, with the other holding racks of cleaning supplies and a deep sink. The back wall he'd come through had a hole in it about twice as wide as Lincoln and three quarters as tall.

"Looks like I was stumbling over broken cinderblock and not rocks," he muttered as he saw he'd entered between a couple of racks of brooms.

Turning, he shined his light on the last wall, the light glinting off a shiny silver doorknob set in an innocuous looking door.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"He's not buried in snow," Lynn Sr. said, slightly relieved.

"Front or back," Lynn Jr. added.

"Not in the doghouse, shed, or under the bushes," Lori reported.

"Not in or under the van," Rita said.

"Can't find him in the house," the twins chorused.

"Garage is clear," Luna called out.

"None of my cameras caught him," Lisa admitted.

"He climbed in through a vent and grabbed some clothes before jumping out his bedroom window last night," Luan reported.

"He what?!" chorused a number of voices before the all started yelling different things, worried about the white-haired boy.

"Quiet!" Lisa yelled.

"B-but he's run away from home!" Lynn Sr. whined.

"If he's not allowed in the house, is it really his home?" Leni asked, sounding confused.

A horrified silence filled the house.

"We're terrible parents," Rita whispered.

"We're all equally terrible," Lisa said. "Well, except Lily. What's important right now isn't feeling bad, it's finding my older brother and bringing him home!"

"We were so worried about bad things happening to us we did a bad thing to him," Leni said sadly.

"Yes, yes we did," Lori agreed hugging her sister. "Now, how do we find him?"

Lisa groaned. "I knew I should have implanted trackers in everyone."

"What?" Luan asked.

"It's not important," Lisa quickly said, "what's important is finding Lincoln. Could he have gone to a friend's house?"

"He could have gone to Clyde's!" Luna exclaimed.

"Or Ronnie Anne's," Lori added.

"He'd probably go to Clyde's if he went anywhere," Lucy said.

"Yeah," Lynn Jr. said, cheering up. "All he'd have to do is call and Clyde would get his dads to pick him up!"

"Have we overlooked the obvious?" Lana demanded. "Call him on his cell."

"I can't believe we didn't think of that," Lisa said, shaking her head.

Lori was already dialing and everyone held their breath as it began to ring... and could be heard coming from upstairs.

Everyone rushed upstairs to find the noise coming from Lincoln's room.

"I think his phone was on the charger," Luan said.

"It was," Lucy agreed.

"We kicked him out without a phone?!" Lori said in absolute horror. "We're monsters, literally monsters!"

"Except Lily," Lisa agreed absently, already deep in thought. "How else could we contact him?"

"Lincoln doesn't use his cell to talk to Clyde," Lucy said instantly, "he uses a walkie talkie."

"Was it in the room?" Rita asked Lucy.

"I wasn't looking for it," Lucy replied, then had to move back as Lynn Sr. and Jr. started ripping the boards off the door. Once the door was opened, everyone rushed in, getting in each other's way and practically tearing the room apart in search of Lincoln's walkie talkie.

"Stop!" Luan screamed, making everyone pause. "Look at what we're doing to his stuff!"

Everyone winced as they looked at the damage.

"We're going to have to get all new stuff for him," Lana said, "but more importantly, I didn't find the walkie talkie. Anyone else find it?"

"No, thankfully," Lisa said, causing everyone to turn to her. "If it's not here, it means he has it on him," she reminded them, "which means we can use it to talk to him."

"How's that going to work?" Lynn Jr. asked. "Pretty sure we don't have a walkie talkie either."

"Yes," Lisa agreed with a sigh, wishing her family were smarter, "however, Clyde does."

"And we need to check and see if he's at Clyde's house anyway," Luna said, connecting the dots.

"I'll call Bobby and make sure he didn't go there," Lori said, relieved.

"I'll... go do something else," Leni said, looking extremely guilty as she snuck out of Lincoln's room with a bulge in her nightshirt.

"We're going to have to replace everything anyway," Luan reminded them before someone asked what Leni was hiding in her shirt. "A torn shirt or two is a problem we can 'skirt' around."

"I'll call Clyde," Lynn Jr. volunteered, "he's a bro, he'll help out."

"And I'll make everyone some hot chocolate," Lisa offered, a very uncharacteristic offer that got her some strange looks. "It's the only useful thing I can do," she said, sounding down as she rushed off.

"We might as well change out of our pajamas so we're ready to get Lincoln," Rita suggested.

Everyone scattered to their appointed tasks.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Lincoln looked around himself, surprised to see that the power was still on and that a few bulbs were still working after what had to have been at least a century of use! The place had a thick layer of dust, shelves knocked over, and burned out lights everywhere, but to Lincoln it was a place of beauty, because it was warm and had power. All he had to do was a bit of cleaning and if there were spare bulbs in some of the boxes in the storeroom, he could replace them too, and he was set!

Hearing a faint crackle from his walkie talkie he pulled it out of his jacket pocket, sighing as he realized he'd completely forgotten his phone and quickly walked towards the cave mouth.

"Repeat that Clyde, over," he said into the walkie talkie.

"Dude... family... where?" came the wavering and faded response from his walkie talkie that he'd left on all night.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"It's dead," Clyde reported to Lynn Jr. over the phone. "It lets out a fading whine when that happens. He probably left it on all night again. I only got one word from him and I'm not sure what it means."

Lynn Jr. listened intently. "Gotcha bro. I'll let everyone know and thanks for the help. Bye."

"So?" Lola asked impatiently.

"Good news, Linc's alive!" Lynn Jr. cheered, causing a lot of squeals and sighs of relief. "Bad news is, his walkie talkie went dead so Clyde only got one word out of him and it's a strange one."

"Well, what is it?" Lori demanded.

"Blockbuster," Lynn said with a shrug.

"I'm going to do laundry," Leni said before jumping off the couch.

"Drink your hot chocolate first," Lisa told her. "It'd look weird if you didn't, since everyone else drank theirs."

Leni's eyes widened and she quickly downed it. "That was good, thanks."

"Glad you enjoyed it," Lisa said with some satisfaction as Leni returned the mug with her name on it and ran off.

"What could it mean?" Luna asked with a frown.

Lynn Sr. pulled out his keys, attracting everyone's attention as he sorted through them until he held out a blue and yellow plastic tag, worn with time, its barcode half rubbed off. It had one faded yellow word visible on a blue background… Blockbuster.

"You know where Lincoln is!" Luna exclaimed in excitement.

"Not unless he's in Alaska," Lynn Sr. replied. "Blockbusters were from a time before video streaming and DVDs, it was a time before the internet, as we know it now, existed."

"Primitive times," Lisa said with a shiver.

"What was Blockbuster?" Luan asked. "I could swear I recognize the name, but it's not ringing any bells, even with my hunch."

Lynn Sr chuckled before replying, "Luan, you are one of the last VHS users on the planet, ignoring Alaska. When the Blockbuster video stores went under, I bought a bunch of stuff from there, so some of your VHS tapes probably have a Blockbuster sticker on them somewhere."

"Why would Lincoln say it, if that's not where he is?" Luna asked.

"He probably misheard or Lincoln could have been talking about something completely unrelated," Rita offered. "I'm just glad he was smart enough to grab clothes and find a place to spend the night while we were acting so stupid."

"So... now what?" Lucy asked.

"We wait for him to come home," Lynn Sr. replied. "I figure he'll be back by Monday at the latest and giving him a weekend to himself, while we fix his room, is the least we owe him."

"Are you sure he'll be ok?" Rita asked.

"Lincoln will be fine," Lynn Sr. assured her. "Clyde can let us know if he needs anything once he talks to him again."

"You don't think he's gone back in time, do ya?" Lynn Jr. asked, causing everyone to turn towards her. "I mean, it sounds like the plot from a time travel movie. We get one word which connects to the past, he's vanished, and he and Pop-Pop looked exactly alike when they were younger, right down to the hair!"

"It would explain why he was so hard on me growing up," Lynn Sr. agreed thoughtfully while everyone else rolled their eyes.

"Radio signals can't be sent through time," Lisa said. "I've checked."

"Not even by some weird quantum thingie?" Lana asked curiously.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Ah well, if weird quantum thingies are involved, then of course they can."

"I knew it!" Lynn Jr. and Sr. chorused.

Leni came into the living room, carying her backpack in addition to her purse. "I've gotta go do something completely boring and uninteresting. Bye now."

"Bye Leni," Lori said, glancing up from where she was texting her boyfriend, Bobby.

"Have fun, dear," Rita said absently as she listened to her husband and children outline all the similarities between her son and father-in-law.

After a couple of minutes had passed, even Lisa was looking surprised at all the parallels that were being drawn between the two. "I have to go to the library for a project," Lisa announced as she tore herself away from the illogical but fascinating conversation.

"Dress warmly and look both ways before crossing the street," Rita said.

"Yes, Mom," Lisa agreed before going to retrieve her belongings.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Lincoln looked around the well lit room with a grin as he dusted off his hands. Most of the bulbs had been fine, just turned off, and with all the cleaning supplies untouched in the storeroom, including a working vacuum cleaner, it had been easy to set the store back to rights.

"Lincy!" a voice cried out and swept him up in a big hug.

"What?!" he exclaimed, shocked that someone had found him.

"I'm sorry we kicked you out!" Leni sobbed as she clutched her younger brother to her. "And I don't care if you are bad luck, I'm never letting you go!"

Lincoln hugged his older sister and rubbed her back. "I love you too, Leni," he assured her. He had no idea how she had found him, but that didn't seem important at the moment. "And I'm not really bad luck."

"But you told me you were," Leni said confused, "and you've never lied to me."

Lincoln winced and tried to think of what to say.

"You wouldn't lie to me, right?" Leni asked, eyes still red with tears.

Lincoln took a deep breath. "Remember last Easter where you got sick and couldn't come to my play?" he asked.

Leni stared at her shoes, naked guilt visible on her face. "I... um... I-"

Lincoln cut her off, "I know Leni, we all knew. You were stressed out because of all the work you did on your own project and you really needed a break or you probably would have gotten sick. My saying I was bad luck was kinda like that."

"Oh," Leni said in understanding before sighing. "That still doesn't change what we did," she said. "We kicked you out of our home, that wasn't right!" She hugged him once more. "It's not home without you there!"

Lincoln blinked and covertly rubbed his watery eyes on her shoulder. "Thanks Leni, that means a lot to me."

"I also brought a couple of things for you," she said, letting him go and opening her backpack. "I've got Bun-Bun, your first issue of Ace Savvy and your favorite orange shirt, straight from the dryer."

"Thanks, sis," he said quickly changing shirts. "Wanna watch some movies with me?" Lincoln asked.

"Sure," Leni agreed. "Do you have any popcorn?"

"No, but I have cocoa," Lisa said, making them both jump.

"How did you find us?!" Lincoln demanded. "Is there a sign outside or something?"

"No, I'm a genius," Lisa replied, handing Lincoln a mug of cocoa from a thermos. "I too have come to apologize. I should have known better, but for all my intelligence, I don't have the wisdom I need to match it. Will you please forgive me, big brother?" the four-year-old genius asked, holding up her arms.

"Of course I will," he assured her, picking her up in a hug that Leni joined an instant later. Once Leni had released them, and he'd set Lisa down, he had to ask, "But seriously, how did you guys find me?"

"I followed Leni," Lisa admitted. "I just had to stay far enough back that I didn't have to worry about her seeing me and she lead me right to you. How she found you I have no idea, I just know that she's much smarter than she lets on."

Leni smiled. "I did a history report last year on the Barren's Mall and it was the last place within fifty miles to have a Blockbuster before it was buried in a mudslide caused by the quake of eighty-eight."

Lisa and Lincoln both stared at her in surprise.

"I knew precisely where it was even if my request for the local college to perform an archeological dig for it was denied," she said cheerfully. "I mean, what would you rather find, dinosaur bones or seriously retro clothing?!"

"You are frighteningly competent in your field of study," Lisa said.

"Thanks," Leni said cheerfully.

"So... not to be mean, but are the others at least upset that I'm gone?" Lincoln asked, not even trying to sound casual.

"Once we saw the snow, we all totes panicked," Leni assured him.

"Calling your cell phone caused all of us to panic all over your room," Lisa admitted. "You will be compensated."

"Thanks," Lincoln offered, not quite getting it.

"Last I saw before I left, they had turned the one word Clyde had heard over the radio, 'Blockbuster,' into a theory that you had traveled back in time and became Pop-Pop," Lisa explained.

"Seriously?" Lincoln asked, wide eyed.

"They actually came up with some really interesting data points," Lisa admitted. "Of course, many of those could be applied to Leni and Grandma Rose, so they're obviously false, but interesting all the same."

"We should totes dress up as them and recreate some of their old photos," Leni said excitedly.

"We would need clothes and props that we don't have, but it would be a fun prank," Lisa admitted.

'Prank?' Leni wondered as she turned and unlocked the front door to the store and pushed it open, shoving a mass of ivy aside and letting in a warm moist breeze. "I'm sure we could find something in the rest of the mall."

Lincoln and Lisa poked their heads out and stared in shock. Ivy hung down in thick streamers, covering large sections of the storefronts. Steam and bubbling mud covered the center of the lower level. Sections of the walkway from the upper level were missing, probably buried under the mud when they had broken off and fallen to the ground below.

"The mudslide buried everything," Lisa said, shaking her head. "And the earthquake destroyed the weakest point in the foundation, the central courtyard, allowing subterranean hot springs to come to the surface."

"Rain and wind eventually uncovered the skylights allowing fresh air and sunlight in," Lincoln added. "This would be the perfect spot to shoot a post apocalyptic film in."

"It was totes hard to break through the wall into the storeroom," Leni agreed, "but the archeology people weren't even interested when I tried to talk to them even though I broke, like, two nails getting in."

"Well I'm interested," Lincoln assured her, "and finding that storeroom really helped keep me from freezing in the snow."

Lisa got a mischievous smile on her face. "Leni, could you guide me to a stationary store, an electronics outlet, and find... retro clothes for the both of you to wear?"

"Sure, but first we have to hit Sears to get some ladders," Leni pointed out.

"That would make it easier to get around," Lisa agreed.

"Plus the remaining escalators probably don't work anymore, so we'll have to use ladders to get up and down the levels," Leni said cheerfully.

Lisa took off her gloves and rubbed her temples.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

 ***knock*knock*knock***

Lori answered the door. "Bobby-boo-boo bear!" she exclaimed in surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Dressed in a brown outfit with short sleeves and shorts, he replied proudly, "I got a job as a courier, babe. I have a package for a Mr. Lynn Loud." He held up a weathered and dented cardboard box.

"Dad, door for you," Lori called out.

Lynn Sr.'s eyes lit up as he saw the box. "A package for me? I don't recall ordering anything."

"It's from a L. Loud," Bobby said as he read the receipt. "It's a timed delivery, so ya gotta sign, like, right away."

"Sure, son," Lynn Sr. said, signing the electronic tablet with the stylus.

"Timed delivery?" Lori asked. "Like when you were delivering pizza?"

"Nah," he replied cheerfully, "timed delivery means the package is held until a certain date and time for delivery."

"This looks pretty old," Lynn Sr. said as he examined the box.

"Not sure how old, but the receipt says they paid for a half century storage fee," Bobby offered. He followed them inside as Lynn Sr. opened it up.

"It's a tape from Blockbuster," Lynn Sr. announced.

"Blockbuster?!" came the near universal chorus as the rest of the family, barring the three departed Louds, rushed into the room.

"Yeah, you could also buy blank tapes there," Lynn Sr. agreed as he opened the tape case and discovered a VHS tape and a note on a piece of white paper that had yellowed with age. "It's from Lisa, she says to play the tape and it's dated 1985!" he exclaimed.

"I knew it!" Lynn Jr. yelled. "Time travel! Lincoln is Pop-Pop!"

"Wait, what?" Bobby asked, confused.

"I'll get my VCR," Luan said, before running upstairs.

"We did the literally stupidest thing ever and kicked Lincoln out of the house," Lori said solemnly. "Then when we tried to find him, all we got was one word over a faded radio thing... Blockbuster. It was a video store that went out of business, like, in the dark ages."

"Except in Alaska," Lynn Sr. interjected.

"Lisa said it was possible Lincoln could be Pop-Pop, having traveled back in time, and everyone put the pieces together... Lincoln is Pop-Pop!" Lori exclaimed.

"Have it connected in a sec," Luna promised as she wired the VCR into several adapters so she could connect it to the big screen in the living room.

"I used a *sigh* quantum thingie to follow Lincoln," Lisa announced from the screen as the tape began to play. She was wearing a white lab coat over a black White Snake T-shirt and had her hair up in a Mohawk. "I have done my best to blend in and track down his current whereabouts."

The screen went blank for a minute before showing the inside of a Baskin-Robbins where two people sat talking and flirting with one another.

"Mom!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed in shock.

"That's Gram-ma Rose?" Lori asked. "She looked good, also a lot like Leni."

"Yeah, Leni and you got most of your looks from your grandmother," Rita agreed absently.

"Look at the size of that cell phone," Lori said as 'Grandma Rose' pulled a large black phone the size of a couple of bricks out of her bag and made a call before returning to her date with their grandfather.

Luan meanwhile just grinned. She knew a prank when she saw one and this one was a doozy! Looks like she was seriously going to have to step up her game this coming April Fool's day.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

The three Loud sibs relaxed in the bubbling mud.

"I told you it would be fun," Leni assured them, "and it's great for the pores too."

"The temperature is pleasant," Lisa agreed with a smile. "I can see why so many people enjoy spas."

Lincoln shivered and moved a foot to the right. "Must have hit a cold patch," he said with a shrug.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	4. Chapter 4

**Maybe it's for the Quest  
**

The moment Lincoln saw the wardrobe he knew he had to have it. Partly it was the fact that it looked like it should have been a prop in that movie about kids fighting monsters to the death, but mostly it was the five-dollar price tag and the fact that he could probably fit everything he owned in it.

"That can't be right," the antique store owner said as he saw the price, but consulting his records, he found it was priced at five dollars and had been taking up space for nearly three decades. "Looks like you got yourself a bargain."

"Sweet! Can you load it on top of a van?" the white-haired boy asked.

"This antiquing thing is fun and all," Lynn Sr admitted to his wife as they walked past Lincoln, "but most of the stuff we're looking at seems pretty fragile for our family to have hanging around. If I'm punishing the kids for breaking something, I don't want to have to heap on added guilt for destroying a part of history as well."

Rita nodded. "If we get anything, it'll have to be something made of stone or steel, like an anvil."

"Now that sounds like a good idea," Lynn Sr agreed cheerfully.

"Wow," Leni said as she looked around in wonder. "There is retro, but this is like retro-retro."

"It's early Americana," Lisa corrected her, "some of it so early it's British."

"Really?!" Luna asked, suddenly paying close attention to everything around them.

"The technology of today is thrown out once its outdated," Lisa explained. "Much of our material goods are transitory and disposable, while the low-tech household goods and appliances of the past were designed to last generations and were passed down family lines." She pointed to a gravy boat on a table with a variety of tableware. "That for instance was made in England in the mid 1800's."

"Hadn't America already split from them by then?" Luna asked.

"Yes, however there was still trade and people still immigrate, bringing their personal possessions with them," Lisa lectured.

"Whoa!" Lucy said, a hint of surprise in her usual monotone voice.

"Now those are the clothes of a fighter," Lynn said as she saw the painting her younger sister was looking at.

"Are we looking at the same painting?" Lucy asked.

Lynn nodded. "Wearing those types of frilly clothes is just beggin' to get picked on," she explained. "Even the chess team would have a hard time not raggin' on ya for wearing those."

"How does that make them the clothes of a fighter?" Lucy asked, examining the oil painting of George Washington a bit closer.

"Well, he wouldn't wear them unless he was spoiling for a fight, now would he?" Lynn pointed out.

Lisa, who'd just been following the conversation with half an ear, shook her head and returned to pointing out any of the silverware that could be of British origin to Luna.

"I'm going to go wait in the van," Lincoln told his parents. "I'm sure Lori could use someone to distract Lily so she can text Bobby in peace."

"Good thinking, son," Lynn Sr said cheerfully.

"We shouldn't be too much longer," Rita promised him.

"Take your time," Lincoln said cheerfully.

Lincoln walked outside only to find Lori holding Lily and arguing with two workmen who were trying to place the wardrobe on top of Vanzilla, "And I'm telling you there is no way anyone in my family could afford something like that! You have to have the wrong van."

"It's mine," Lincoln told his older sister. "Load her up, guys."

"What? How could you afford something like that?!" she demanded.

"It was a consignment item with the price pre-set that has sat in the store for over a quarter of a century because everyone read the price wrong," Lincoln said with a huge grin.

"How wrong could it have been?" Lori asked as they strapped it to the roof of the van.

"Everyone read it as five hundred dollars," Lincoln said and waited.

"You don't have anything near that," Lori said thoughtfully as she puzzled it out. "I'm pretty sure even fifty bucks is out of your price range so... You got it for five dollars?!"

"Yep," Lincoln said proudly.

"Excellent find, little bro," she said ruffling his hair.

He brushed his hair back into place with his fingers. "Want me to watch Lily while you text Bobby?"

Lori smiled as brightly as Leni. "You literally read my mind."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

It had taken a lot of effort to get the wardrobe in his room, but it had been worth it. The dark wood was a stark contrast to everything else, but he didn't care. All his clothes, the stuff under his bed, and his comic collection fit inside it with room to spare!

Despite the fact that it took up a good chunk of his room, he actually had more space now.

"It's really comfortable up here," Lucy said from on top of the wardrobe. "It's at the perfect height to get in and out of the vents. Would you mind if I put a spare pillow and blanket up here? It's almost as big as my bed."

Lincoln tried to pretend she hadn't surprised him. "Knock yourself out, I don't need it for anything."

"Thanks," the dark-haired girl replied before scurrying back through the vents.

Lincoln shook his head. He was sure she wouldn't be able to sneak up on him one day, but that day was probably years away.

Picking up the box he hid the ugly oversized sweaters his aunt gave him every year, he climbed into the wardrobe, pushing aside the hanging clothes so he could hide it at the very back where no one would ever find it and make him wear them.

Reaching the back in a few steps, he put the box down and pushed it, causing the back wall to open and the box to fall into stone walled room brightly lit by sunlight pouring in through the balcony doors.

Lincoln froze in place for a moment, but nothing else happened. After a minute he carefully climbed out and looked around.

The air smelled clean, like it was up in the mountains, and he could hear birds chirping, but he didn't hear any people or dogs.

He retreated into the wardrobe and pushed through the clothes to get back to his room, which was still there much to his relief.

"I know a lot of kids would probably jump into this without thinking twice," he said thoughtfully, "but I'm just not one of those."

He closed the wardrobe and glanced at his alarm clock. It was nearly an hour until dinner. He picked up his cell phone and made sure it was fully charged before grabbing his jacket and sliding it in the pocket.

"I like to be prepared," Lincoln said with a shrug before putting on his jacket, climbing into the wardrobe, and making his way back to the stone room.

He shivered a little in the cold and zipped his jacket up. Lincoln examined the room carefully. It was about the size of his living room. The furniture was a lot like the wardrobe, hand carved, expensive, wooden, and works of art.

"Also huge," Lincoln noted, his voice breaking the silence of the scene. He froze in place for a few seconds, waiting for a response, but nothing happened.

"Whew!" Lincoln wiped the nervous sweat off his forehead. "I guess this place is empty, but let's make sure."

Opening the large oak door took a bit of muscle, revealing a long dark hallway.

He pulled out his cellphone and turned on the flashlight app, waving his phone around to get a good look at the place. "Unlit torches on the wall, lots of tapestries... Yep, it's a castle," Lincoln said.

He walked back into the room and grabbed the box of sweaters, dropping them in the doorway so the door couldn't swing shut and so he wouldn't get lost. 'It'd suck to lose my way back,' he thought to himself.

He shivered a little and zipped up his coat as he ventured into the hall. The daylight leaking in through the open door behind him quickly faded as he walked, leaving his cell phone as his only source of light.

Unlit torches lined the interior wall, one every ten feet or so. If he'd had matches on him, Lincoln would have lit one... if he could have reached it.

"I better hit a growth spurt soon," he muttered to himself, annoyed at how small he was compared to his surroundings. "I'd say it was built for giants, but when you build a castle, you don't think small."

He struggled to open the door just down the hall from the room he'd entered. It slowly opened, shedding more light into the hall, and revealing a room almost exactly like the one he'd just came from.

He decided to examine it anyway, entering the room and trying to see if there were any real differences. Opening the door to what he thought was a closet revealed a large bathroom, with a bathtub that was full of water, a toilet that was continually flushing, and a sink that just had a spigot with water pouring out and down the drain.

Closing the door completely blocked out the sound of running water... except it didn't. He couldn't hear the water from the bathroom anymore, but he could hear something just a bit louder than the wind outside, coming from the balcony.

Lincoln chewed on his bottom lip and considered his options. "If I go on the balcony, someone could see me... but I don't think there is anyone around..."

Taking a deep breath, he cautiously opened the balcony doors a bit, keeping his body behind the gauzy curtains that covered the thick glass paned doors. He found himself having to hold the doors tightly to keep them from being pushed open by the freezing cold air that rushed in, making his wind breaker snap and pop.

He leaned heavily against the doors, forcing them closed once more. "Not trying that again without a parka!" Lincoln exclaimed, rubbing his arms. "Very cold and I could hear a river, a big one!"

He tried moving aside the curtain and peeking through the glass, but it was thick wavy glass with tiny bubbles in it that made it impossible to see anything but one big blur.

"time to go back and warm up," he decided, shivering. "I'm hungry anyway."

He left the door open as he went back through the hall to the room with the wardrobe, letting out a sigh of relief as he spotted the box of sweaters. He'd been worried that just looking around would have triggered a quest and trapped him there. Sure it wasn't likely, but it could have.

Climbing back through the wardrobe the first thing he noticed was the noise, followed by the heat.

"Ahhh," Lincoln said in relief as he shed his thin jacket and went to set his cell phone on the charger.

"That can't be right," he said as he compared the time on his phone to the time on his alarm clock and saw it was nearly ten minutes off.

His cellphone beeped as it synced with the network and corrected the time.

It was nearly an hour until dinner.

Lincoln knew immediately what had happened and what he had to do!

"I am so glad they made a movie about it!"

 **Three weeks later...**

Luna closed their bedroom door and locked it before turning to Luan. "Sis, I need your help.

Luan's normal joking smile faded as she saw the serious look on Luna's face. "It's ok, we've got several options and even if they are upset at first, I'm sure Mom and Dad will understand," she said, hugging Luna tightly.

"What?" Luna asked, confused.

"I always thought Leni would be the first one to make me an aunt, but it's ok, we'll get through this," Luan swore. "You're my favorite sister and I'll be there for you every step of the way!"

"I-I'm touched," Luna said hugging Luan in return. "This means a lot to me, even if I'm not pregnant."

"Not even a little?" Luan asked cautiously.

"Any guy I've liked in the last year has either started drooling on Leni or been scared off by Lori," Luna assured her.

"If you're not pregnant..." Luan trailed off for a moment. "Drugs?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm clean, but you'd stand by me if I was having a drug problem, right?" Luna asked, already sure of the answer.

Luan relaxed and gave off a relieved sigh. "Of course I would, silly. I'd be right by your bedside in the hospital every day until you were better."

"Bedside? Hospital?" Luna questioned, confused.

"Yeah," Luan said, releasing Luna and putting her hands on her cheeks so they were eye to eye and she couldn't look away. "Of course I'd be by your bedside, because I'm the one who would have put you there for getting into drugs when you know better. It'd only be during the day because you'd need your rest and I'd be busy having a little talk with whoever gave you drugs during the night, and all their little 'friends'."

"They'd never find the bodies?" Luna guessed nervously.

"They'd never stop finding bits of them, or at least as long as was feasibly possible," Luan said reasonably, letting Luna go.

"I'm still touched," Luna decided, "terrified, but touched."

"Good," Luan said. "Now, since we have assured your life is still on track to stardom, what's wrong?"

"Something's off with Lincoln," Luna said.

"I haven't noticed anything, but then I've been really busy with summer gigs," Luan admitted. "What have you noticed?"

"He's been doing all sorts of odd jobs around the neighborhood, but is always broke. When he gets tired and worn out, he makes some excuse to go to his room and comes out full of energy a minute later," Luna explained.

"Oh god, he's on drugs! My baby brother is a junkie!" Luan exclaimed.

"He doesn't show any signs, except for always being full of energy, even after Lynn used him as her training partner for an entire afternoon," Luna said, "but I can't think of what else it could be."

"Ok," Luan said, taking a few deep, calming breaths, "we'll stage an intervention. If we've caught it early enough, he may be able to be reasoned with."

"We can't just grab him and claim he's on drugs," Luna disagreed, "we have to catch him in the act... If he is, I mean. Like I said, something's off and he's not acting like a user."

"Well that's easy enough to check, I'll just review the camera footage from his bedroom," Luan said, slipping into the chair in front of her computer and wiggling the mouse to wake it up. "Hopefully it'll be nothing."

 **Five minutes later...**

"Oh god, he's a druggie!" Luan moaned.

"But why does he put on a jacket and hide in his wardrobe to do drugs?" Luna asked.

"I don't know, maybe whatever he's cooking up in there makes him feel cold," Luan said, burying her face in her hands. "You saw him carrying that bag of cleaning supplies in there, he's making them himself! Lincoln is The One Who Knocks!"

"He's in for like, eight seconds," Luna said, shaking her head, "that's too little time to do anything!"

"Well... we'll find out when we catch him," Luan said, sitting up. "I'll get the bat."

"Bat?" Luna asked.

"Bones heal a lot faster than hearts," Luan replied. She changed the camera view to a live feed of Lincoln's room.

The pair watched the empty room in silence for a few minutes before Luna asked with forced casualness, "Do you consider weed a drug?"

"Until you can legally drink," Luan replied easily.

"How about drinking?" Luna asked.

"Nothing until your junior year of high school, and only wine coolers and beer until college," Luan replied. "Nothing in excess regardless."

"You've put a lot of thought into this," Luna noted.

"We've lost some of the greatest performers of all time because of drugs and alcohol," Luan replied, "people I loved to watch on the screen and made me smile and laugh. There's not much I can do about that, but I can make sure the people I love who make me laugh and smile in person never make those same mistakes."

"You don't often show your serious side," Luna said, touched and only a little terrified this time.

"Shows what you know," Luan teased, relieved her sister wasn't making any afterschool special mistakes, "I am always serious about my humor."

"Yeah?" Luna asked, recognizing a set up when she hear one.

"It's all about the funny!" Luan said with a grin.

Luna laughed right along with her before they both returned to watching the empty room.

 **Five minutes later...**

"It might be faster if we exhausted him ourselves," Luan realized.

"Better than waiting around and then rushing off, hoping to catch him during those eight seconds," Luna agreed.

"I'll have him help me with my juggling while you play some music to juggle by, slowly increasing the pace," Luan schemed.

"That's perfect!" Luna exclaimed. "You grab the balls, I'll grab our little bro!" She rushed out of the room.

Luan opened her mouth, paused, and shook her head. "Nah, too easy. Besides, I don't work blue... balls or not, get it?"

The teenage comedian winced. "Man is it hard to keep it G rated sometimes. Remember Luan, network rules are: violence is fine, sexual innuendo is not." She shook her head. "And they call me twisted!"

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

**Maybe It's For The Quest 2**

Lincoln opened the wardrobe doors in the back of his closet, just before he was bowled over by a pile of bodies. "Ugh!" he groaned from the bottom of the pile.

"Lincoln are you okay?" Leni asked, tossing Luan and Luna aside to uncover the poor bruised boy.

"I think so," he said as she helped him to his feet, "but what happened and why are you all here?"

"To stop you from doing drugs!" Luan exclaimed, climbing to her feet and looking around. "Only, it doesn't look like you were."

"Lincoln is far too smart to ever get involved in drugs," Lisa said firmly, as she dusted herself off.

"Well, Me and Lulu chased Lincoln here because we thought he was," Luna explained in her faux British accent.

"I just followed because I wanted to see where everyone was going in such a hurry," Leni offered.

"I had to grab ahold of someone's leg to avoid being run over," Lisa said.

"And now that we have all said why we're here, where are we?" Luan asked, rubbing her arms for warmth.

"Yeah, where in the world are we?" Luna added.

Lincoln sighed and pulled out the box of oversized sweaters from his aunt. "Everyone grab a sweater while I explain."

The girls quickly dug out something warm to wear, not caring about the overly cutesy Holiday themes they were now wearing.

"You know the wardrobe you all chased me through? It's like the wardrobe to Narnia," Lincoln explained. "We are in some magical land or other, I haven't done a lot of exploring. You see, I discovered I could spend as much time here as I like and no time passes at home, so I've been using it to relax and get some much-needed peace and quiet."

"Let me get this straight," Lisa said before anyone else could say anything. "You found a doorway to magic and adventure and instead of going on quests and risking your life to rescue princesses, you used it to add extra hours to each day and reduce your stress levels?"

"Umm… yeah," Lincoln admitted.

Lisa tackled-hugged him knocking him back a couple of feet. "I have the best and brightest big brother ever!"

"What?" the older sisters chorused, confused.

"In all of the 'magical adventures' I've watched, heard of, or read about, the children act like unevolved primates incapable of adding two and two together, but when faced with the same situation, my big brother uses logic and reason to twist things to his own advantage!" the little Loud exclaimed, hugging him tightly and tearing up.

"Well, I did have a pretty good teacher," Lincoln told her, enjoying the rare show of emotion from his little sister.

"Okay, I can get how you always have so much energy now," Luan agreed, "but what was up with all the cleaning supplies?"

"That's easy to explain," Lincoln said, setting Lisa down. "Castles are pretty dirty, at least medieval ones that haven't been occupied in forever and the bathrooms are the worst! Toilet paper wasn't invented all that long ago and you do not want to know what they used in its place!"

"So… now what?" Luna asked. "I mean, since you aren't on drugs… wanna show us around?" she asked hopefully, feeling like she was intruding on something special, but unable to contain her curiosity.

"I dunno…" Lincoln said reluctantly, "that seems like just asking for a quest."

"Not looking for one of those," Luna promised, "just you pointing out the sights while we don't go pulling any swords out of stones or sitting on any thrones, cool?"

"Your cautions shows wisdom, but a brief look around is necessary if only to ensure no one goes wandering off and requires rescue later," Lisa suggested. "Plus… this is pretty exciting."

"Alright, but everyone stays together and doesn't touch anything, alright?" he requested as Lisa slipped her hand in his.

"This is going to be totes fun!" Leni squealed. "I can takes pictures with my phone, right?"

"Sure, but you can't send them until you exit the wardrobe and if anyone asks, the name of this castle is Adobe in the magical land of Photo Shop," Lincoln explained.

"Better than Anthrax," Luan said with a grin. "Tis the castle Adobe, home to four simple maidens, between the ages of four and sixteen, who have nothing to do all day but make jokes and wear thick unattractive sweaters!"

"Good one!" Luna said, giving her a quick high-five.

"I haven't done a lot of exploring," Lincoln admitted, retrieving an electric lantern from the desk. "Mostly because the castle is huge! It's five floors to the bottom and at least five more going up. I didn't go farther than that because it's a bit of a hike to the stairs and my legs hurt."

"How about the rooms close by?" Lisa asked.

"First, we have the bathroom," Lincoln waved to the side of the room opposite the bed. "It only has very, very cold water that is always running, but the tub is always full, so at least you don't have to wait for it to fill."

The girls crowded around the door as he let go of Lisa's hand and pulled it open, having to put some muscle into it.

"I was going to make an adorable pun, but that is one friggin' thick door," Luan said in shock.

"They're all like that here," Lincoln said holding up the lantern so they could see.

"Fluffy towels and a padded toilet seat?" Leni asked, not having expected to see that in a medieval castle.

"Stuff I brought," Lincoln explained. "Once you get used to the mind numbing cold water it's not so bad, at least that's my hope."

"Still not used to it?" Lisa guessed.

"Not remotely," Lincoln said. "Someone stick your hand in the water and tell me what you think."

Luan walked over to the bath that looked like it had probably been carved straight out of the rock and stuck her hand in. She jumped back shaking her hand dry and grabbing towel with a squeal. "Holy frozen digits, Bathman! That was not a warm welcome!"

"Not sure it beats waiting in line at home, but it really wakes you up," the white haired boy said.

"It's only a couple of degrees warmer than ice," Luan said, sticking her hand in her armpit.

"Wanna see the balcony?" he asked with a wide smile, eager to share. "It's windy and cold, but the view is amazing!"

"Sure!" Luna agreed as Luan closed the door to the bathroom, wanting to see how hard it was to move.

Pulling back the curtains let a lot of light in, so he set the lamp on the bed. He braced himself against the door before reaching for the knob. "Everyone ready?"

Lisa wrapped herself around Leni's leg. "Ready," she announced.

Lincoln grinned and turned the knob, the wind outside immediately pushing against the door and slowly pushing him back.

Luan tensed, but relaxed after the wind hit her. "I thought it would be a lot colder!" she said loudly, so she could be heard over the sound of the wind and the rushing water.

"No, just strong," Lincoln said, stepping out onto the balcony and waving for them to follow.

It was a bit too cold to be really comfortable, even with the thick sweaters, but the girls didn't notice as they looked around with wonder in their eyes. After a few minutes they retreated back inside and Luna helped Lincoln close the balcony door.

"Never thought someone could use a waterfall as a moat," Luan said.

"It probably wasn't possible in real life," Lisa offered. "Or at least not possible without either modern construction methods or magic being involved."

"Bet it really keeps the water bill down," Leni said cheerfully.

"Without it, the constant flow of the water system would be completely unsustainable," Lisa agreed.

"I had no idea how big this place really was until I saw it from the outside," Luna said. "I mean, I know you talked about getting sore legs and all, but you weren't kidding!"

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten lost in this place," Luan said.

"I taped up flyers to mark my route," Lincoln explained. "No way was I risking getting lost in here."

"Have you checked to see if the other wardrobes lead anywhere?" Lisa asked curiously.

Lincoln laughed. "That would definitely lead to a quest. How much do you want to bet if I did it I would stumble into a world similar to mine, but just different enough to cause me to learn some life lesson?"

Lisa smacked herself in the forehead. "I can't believe I missed that one."

"I've read more fantasy stories than you have," Lincoln said, "don't beat yourself up over it."

"That sounds kinda fun," Leni admitted. "I always wondered what a world would be like where I was the smart one and Lisa was a master of fashion."

"You need to be like you," Lisa said, shaking her head. "I'm sure being the goddess of aesthetics is just as rewarding and challenging in its own way, but both of us are uniquely suited for the causes we have chosen."

Seeing that Leni didn't understand, Lincoln simplified it, "Both of you like being yourselves and we wouldn't want you any other way."

Leni beamed. "I know that, I just think it would be totes cool to cause random explosions and maybe turn you into a superhero for a day."

"I could… totes see that happening," Lisa said, trying to speak Leni. "I'd cause havoc in the fashion world by making suspenders and fedoras cool once more while you were doing that!"

Leni looked horrified. "Maybe it's better we don't do that then!"

"Agreed," Lisa agreed, clearly amused.

"We don't need any quests, we're all pretty well adjusted," Lincoln pointed out.

"I could see us as a TV show," Luan said out of the blue.

"A sitcom?" Luna guessed.

"A soap opera satire," Luan replied. "The Young and The Questless, where we follow the lives of the Loud children, as complete disasters and horrible misunderstandings fail to occur!"

Everyone shared a laugh.

"Exactly, we don't need any quests, so I just use this place to catch some extra sleep or when I need some time alone." Lincoln grinned.

"Okay, now I gotta agree with Lisa, you are the smartest brother I have!" Luna said.

Lincoln smiled and then frowned. "I'm the only brother you have."

"Still counts," Luna assured him. "You're also in the top five when it comes to siblings if that helps."

"I'll take it," he agreed, not needing to get into a needless argument about who was smartest among them, or rather second smartest below Lisa.

"You are being really nice about us being here," Leni said. "I mean, this is where you come to get away from us for a little while and yet, here we are, and you aren't bothered at all!"

"Being alone gets lonely," Lincoln explained. "I mean if I spend too much time over here then when I get back, I'm completely out of sync and I can't sleep at different times because that would really look strange, but if I sleep here, then I'm awake all night at home and it's really frustrating as I have to keep quiet so I don't wake anyone!"

"So if you stay here for more than a couple of hours, you have to stay for a full 24 hours to keep in step with us," Luna worked out.

"Yeah," Lincoln agreed. "So I've spent more than enough time alone. Heck, I was already considering inviting you guys over if I could figure out a way to avoid triggering any quests."

"The logistics of staying here for an entire day would require you to stock up on quite a few supplies," Lisa noted.

"I keep a bunch of cheap drinks and stuff I don't have to cook in the next room over," Lincoln explained. "Crackers and Kool-Aid mix for the most part."

"Castles like this grew their own food inside the walls," Lisa offered. "There is probably a good sized garden or orchard, even if it's not been tended to in a decade or more."

"It's only five flights down to reach the bottom level and I have wanted to explore down there, but that's going to take hours, are you sure you want to spend the night?" Lincoln asked, clearly hoping they'd say yes.

The girls exchanged glances before Luan asked, "Do you mind putting us up for the night?"

Lincoln smiled happily. "It would be my pleasure."

 ***0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0***

" **A great evil has awoken!"**

The group woke up with a start, clutching each other and staring wide eyed at the rough figure made out of light that was floating at the foot of the bed.

" **The most innocent among you must be protected for only they can redeem the darkness and put to right your lost family member!"**

"Hold on." Lincoln said as he did a quick headcount and figured out who was missing. "Evil took one of us and our most innocent member is needed to get them back?"

" **Yes, it has taken the most corruptible among you to turn to its side and only the purest of hearts can show it the way back to the light!"**

Lisa sighed heavily. "It took Leni," she pointed out from between Lincoln and Luan.

" **Being the eldest and most worldly it will seek to corrupt her and only your innocence can save her,"** the being of light told Lisa.

"I give it half an hour," Lincoln said.

" **What?"** the figure of light said, confused.

"If that," Luna agreed, pulling the covers back up so only her eyes were visible from Lincoln's side.

The door to the room opened and Leni, dressed in a fluffy pink bathrobe walked in with her arm around a flickering aura of blue light. "I'm sure if you apologize they'll forgive you. I can't tell you the number of times I've made mistakes, and every single time I've been forgiven."

" **Do… do you really think so?"** the blue aura asked hopefully.

"I know so," Leni said firmly. "Family forgives anything!"

The two Luminescent beings moved together and vanished in a burst of light and a tinkle of bells.

"It's way too early for this, come back to bed," Luna said.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Leni asked.

"Later, when we wake up," Lisa said. "It's too early for this."

"Your spot is getting cold," Luna pointed out.

"Okay," Leni said, dropping the robe at the foot of the bed and climbing in next to Luna.

"Cold feet!" Luna complained.

"Sorry about the quest," Leni apologized.

"You handled it fine," Lincoln assured her. "Night everyone."

"Night!" the girls chorused, before everyone drifted back to sleep.

 **Typing by – Sitheus Maximus**


	6. Chapter 6

**Mandatory Requirements**

"Lori," Lucy said, making the blonde jump.

"Where did you come from?!" Lori demanded, looking around her room.

"I have a problem I need your help with," Lucy replied.

Lori set her phone down. "I owe you for your help last week, so shoot. What do you need?"

"I'm having Haiku over and Lincoln is reading comics," Lucy explained.

Lori nodded. "And you don't want to embarrass your friend by exposing her to your half naked brother."

"Haiku doesn't embarrass that easily, but the last time we tried writing poetry together after she saw Lincoln in just basketball shorts..." she trailed off red faced.

"Traumatized you?" Lori guessed with a grin.

"I've never felt the need to cleanse a poetry journal with fire so strongly before," Lucy replied.

"Say no more, I'll have Bobby send Ronnie Anne over," Lori said with a smile, "that should embarrass him into putting on clothes."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," Lucy said in her usual deadpan voice but actually having to make an effort to hide the relief she was feeling.

 **Five minutes later...**

 *** Knock * Knock * Knock ***

"Ronnie," Lucy greeted the young Hispanic girl in the red hoodie.

"Where's the lame-brain at?" Ronnie asked cheerfully.

"He's in his room," Lucy replied, waving her in.

Ronnie bounce up the stairs, taking them two at a time, only to return a few seconds later, skin flushed and walking slowly, a distracted look on her face. "I gotta go... swim," Ronnie Anne said with a nod at Lucy as she passed her and walked straight out the front door.

Lucy sighed and closed the front door, heading back to Lori to see if she had any other ideas.

Lori glanced up from her phone on hearing Lucy's heavy sigh. "Leni, you're up!"

"I'm up for what?" Leni asked looking around confused.

"Linc is lounging around in his underwear and Lucy has a friend coming over," Lori replied while texting.

"I can help with that," Leni said brightly. "I'll just make him something comfortable to wear." The ditzy blonde lept to her feet and started pulling sewing equipment from under her bed and in her closet.

"Aren't hammer pants out of fashion?" Lori asked, glancing up from her phone, as she saw Leni already had something prepared.

"Retro is always in fashion, but this is older than hammer pants," Leni said.

"Isn't that material a little... thin?" Lucy asked.

"Lincoln wants comfort, so I've made him the most comfortable clothes ever!" Leni enthused.

In just a few minutes Leni was done.

"What do you think?" she asked, posing in a midriff baring outfit straight out of Arabian Nights.

"Weren't you supposed to make something for Lincoln?" Lucy asked.

"Oopsie!" Leni said, leaping forth into action once more. "Just give me five minutes."

"Alright," Lucy said as she watched her older sister whip up a second more masculine version of her genie outfit, this one in orange rather than the aqua one she was wearing.

"I'll just have Lincy put it on and he'll no longer be naked," Leni said, "at least not when your friend is over.

"Thank you," the young goth said as she followed her older sister to Linc's room.

However Leni didn't say a word when she entered the room and just started manipulating her younger brother's body to get him in his new outfit while he read his comic. "There," she said once she'd finished. "What do you think?"

Linc finally seemed to take note of Leni as he stretched and rolled his shoulders. "This is really comfortable."

"Thanks!" Leni said with a bright smile. "I thought you'd like to wear it for today."

"I think I will," he agreed, before returning to his comic.

"There you go," Leni told Lucy, "problem solved!"

Once Leni had left, Lucy took a good look at Lincoln and shook her head. If anything, what he was wearing just highlighted how little he actually had on, as it emphasized his bare chest and arms, while the poofy pants were practically transparent hiding nothing.

"What's wrong sis?" Luna asked as she found Lucy moping in the hall.

"I'm having a friend over and Lincoln is, or rather was, in his underwear reading comics. Lori was no help and Leni's outfit somehow made the situation worse."

"Gotcha," Luna said. "There's a trick to dealing with it," the rocker said with a grin. "Hey, Lulu!"

"Yeah, sis?" Luan asked, popping her head out of their room.

"Linc's lying around in his underwear reading comics," Lena pointed out.

"On it," Luan snapped out and practically bounced to his room.

"He's not in his underwear," Lucy reminded her, "Leni made him an outfit."

"Close enough, Luv," Luna replied with a smirk, "now watch and learn."

The pair crossed the hall and peered into Lincoln's room.

"What are you doing?" Lincoln asked Luan as his older sister started undressing.

"I'm just getting comfortable," Luan replied. "Reading comics in your underwear is the best, right?"

"That's right," Lincoln agreed, giving Luan a big smile and scooting over to make room on the bed.

Luan laid down beside him, throwing an arm around his back and leaning in to read along with him, wearing just a small white bra and plaid panties. Lincoln blushed, making Luan grin even wider, but after a couple of seconds one of them yawned and the other quickly followed, the two falling completely asleep in less than a minute.

Luna walked into the room and pulled the comic out of his hands, causing him to murmur and turn to Luan, the two snuggling close together. Luna pulled a blanket over the two and flipped off the light before shutting the door. "And done, " she told Lucy. "They'll sleep until dinner."

"What did I just see?" Lucy asked confused.

"Mom always had Luan watch Lincoln when she put him down for a nap when he was Lisa's age," Luna replied, "and since she was only two years older, she always fell asleep holding him. Now, put the two close together on a bed and the old reflexes take over."

"You'd think I'd notice something like this," Lucy said.

"How often are they in bed together these days?" Luna asked.

"Point," Lucy conceded. "So why did she strip like that?"

Luna shrugged. "She's been trying to embarrass him a lot lately, but he's pretty hard to embarrass compared to most guys, probably comes from living in a house with only one other guy and nearly a dozen girls."

"I wonder what else I've missed," Lucy said.

"Watch this," Luna said with a smile. "Aw they look so cute napping together like that. We better not wake them."

After a minute Lucy asked, "What are we waiting for?"

"At this point Lynn usually shows up and joins them because she wants to be Lincoln's favorite sister," Luna replied.

"She's still at practice," Lucy reminded her.

"Oh yeah, "Luna said. "I forgot she started another sport."

"Did someone say slumber party?" Leni asked, popping into the hall.

"No, no one did," Lucy said.

"Lyn's not here," Luna told her, "so, she completely missed her cue.

"Oh," Leni said, obviously disappointed.

"Go on in," Luna said, opening the door to Lincoln's room.

Leni gave her a bright smile before sliding into bed with the snoozing pair.

Luna shut the door once more. "And now you can have your friend over and not have to worry about Lincoln popping out for a snack," Luna said.

"Thank you," Lucy said, relieved there wouldn't be a repeat of last time.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Did you watch Aladdin recently?" Haiku asked.

"No, why?"

"Because I noticed some Aladdin references creeping into your work," Haiku said. "It made for a nice contrast."

"I... I didn't notice," Lucy said, mortified.

Haiku nodded. "Sometimes trying not to think of something makes you think of it," she pointed out.

"That... that does help," she decided, relieved.

"Do I trust this journal won't suffer from spontaneous combustion?" Haiku teased.

"Like the one with all the references to tall, dark, and hopelessly in love with a girl named... Lori, I think the name was?"

Haiku smirked. "I said the pages burned, I never said I set them on fire."

The two shared a small giggle as they walked downstairs, only to pause as they beheld Luna, Lynn, and Luan dressed in Genie outfits as well, with Leni making final adjustments and Lincoln helping.

Haiku turned to Lucy. "I have a new journal with silver edged pages we can use next week."

"I appreciate that," Lucy replied. "Now flee before you get dragged in as well."

"Hey, Lucy!" Leni called out as Lucy quickly ushered her friend out and closed and locked the door to give Haiku a better chance to escape. Lucy searched for a way out when Leni held up a completely different sort of outfit. "It's done in black and the style is called Gothic Lolita," Leni explained.

"A little dress up might not be so bad," Lucy decided.

"It looks like a cross between a wedding dress and funeral wear," Lincoln said thoughtfully.

"That's the idea," Leni said. "see, I got the idea when I got all this lacy material, but the black wasn't selling well so they threw in an extra roll for free and looking up designs using black lace... well it just screamed Lucy."

 **AN:** **There we go, the mandatory Lincoln harem chapter has been completed, sort of.**

 **Typing by: Lohoydo**

 **TN:** **The parents of those kids should never be allowed to name anything every again. Seriously, it's almost as bad as Dr. Seuss's "Too Many Daves"**


	7. Chapter 7

**The Science Fair**

"Would it be cheating if I asked Lisa for help?" Lincoln asked Clyde as they waited in line for the signup sheet.

"Probably, but most kids get help from their parents, so it's not like you'll be the only one," Clyde said. "Besides, it doesn't affect our grade. Heck, I'm just entering for a chance to mess with the judges."

"Mess with the judges? How are you going to do that?" Lincoln asked.

Clyde adjusted his glasses and smiled. "I'm going to do one of those displays that show inherited traits and I'm going to have a sidebar with pictures of me and my Dads and a list of traits I inherited from both of them!"

Lincoln blinked. "But you can't inherit genes from both your Dads, only the biological one."

Clyde's eyes teared up and his lower lip trembled. "You mean… I'm adopted?!" He tried to keep up the act while Lincoln started panicking, but he couldn't keep a straight face and burst out laughing.

Lincoln almost collapsed in relief when he realized it was a joke. "You are a cruel man, Clyde."

Clyde grinned evilly. "It's going to be hilarious."

"Of that, I have no doubt," Lincoln said as they reached the front of the line and signed up.

"So, what are you planning?" Clyde asked.

"I'll talk to Lisa and see what she thinks," Lincoln said as they collected their stuff and waited for the final bell to ring, releasing them from school.

"I'm sure she'll have a lot of great ideas," Clyde said. "And a lot of terrifying ones," he added after a moment's thought.

"Very true," Lincoln agreed.

The bell rang and the school emptied, kids flooding the halls and rushing out the door. Lincoln tried to swim against the flow to reach his locker, but found himself swept outside with the current.

Lynn hooked an arm around him as soon as she spotted him and drug him out of the sea of schoolchildren. "Come on Lincoln, you're helping me practice today!"

"I am?" he asked as she dragged him off.

"You are," she agreed cheerfully.

"Ok, and what am I helping you practice?" Lincoln asked, pulling himself free from her grasp and swinging his bag onto his back.

"A new soccer idea I had," Lynn said excitedly. "I'm gonna have you kick like half a dozen different types of ball while I defend the net, that way I have no idea what's coming my way and I'll have to think on my feet!"

"Why not have Lana help you?" Lincoln asked. "Cause that sounds right up her alley, she's trying to become the kickball champ of the elementary school and she'd enjoy the practice."

"You kick harder, but it is important to encourage our younger sibs," Lynn said. "OK, it's decided. You won't be bouncing balls off my face today, we'll give that honor to Lana."

"Excellent, because I have to figure out what to do for the science fair," Lincoln explained.

"Baking soda volcano," Lynn said. "I know you like to do your own thing, but we've got it down to a science! The model volcano is in the attic, it guarantees at least an honorable mention."

"As the first boy, I am already breaking with tradition, what's one more?" he joked.

"First?" Lynn asked. "Don't you mean only?"

"I don't know… You know how our parents are," Lincoln pointed out.

"You best prepare for a roomie then," Lynn said, while trying to figure out if their Mom had been gaining weight.

"You think they'll put the new baby in with me?" Lincoln asked.

"No, but the most likely arrangement is going to bump me to room with Leni and there's no way I'm going through that!" Lynn declared.

"My room isn't that big and you drove me nuts last time you slept over," Lincoln had to point out.

"I am thinking a loft bed, the type with a smaller top bunk," Lynn explained.

"I could be hitting puberty any day now," Lincoln warned.

"I know, we all got the speech," she reminded him. "Lisa even gave the genetics lecture."

"There is a two percent chance of genetic malformation as compared to the one percent chance with a complete stranger," Lincoln quoted.

"The percentage can be reduced to half a percent if you marry a fourth cousin," Lynn added, "but societal pressures frown on marrying family, thus you have to put up with a full percentage."

"Smoking and having a child in your mid-forties carries the same chance of genetic damage, so avoid those as well," Lincoln finished.

"I don't care what her probability tables say," Lynn said, shaking her head, "I'm pretty sure you aren't going to be knockin' boots with a sib, much less knockin' one of us up."

"Her charts included a list of situations where it was likely to occur," Lincoln reminded her. "Apparently we should not go on a cruise and get marooned on an island together."

"I could totally pull off a coconut bra, I don't care what Leni says," Lynn said with a smirk.

"Well there goes my plan to enter a radio contest to win a trip for two for your birthday," Lincoln said, snickering.

"Think catcher's mitt," Lynn suggested.

"I'll make a note," Lincoln promised. "Anyway, I wasn't referring to that, I was pointing out that as a boy going through puberty, I'm going to need a lot of time to myself."

"I don't spend that much time in my room," Lynn argued, "so that shouldn't be a problem."

"Point," he agreed. "Ok, if Mom's pregnant, you can share my room."

"Cool," Lynn said, as they walked up the steps to their house. "Catch you later, I have work to do."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Lincoln paused as he took in the condition of the kitchen. Someone had been making pies and a quick glance in the trash confirmed they were banana crème pies, meaning Luan was lurking somewhere in the house and if the tube of frosting was anything to go by, she had a pie with someone's name on it!

"I used to just accept a pie in the face because it'd make her happy, but Luan is a perfectionist and her pies have been getting better and better," Lincoln licked his lips. "I was looking for an after-school snack and Luan's pie would certainly hit the spot, but how to get it?"

Lincoln racked his brain as he idly looked around the kitchen, suddenly freezing as he noticed there was an extra pie pan lying out and there was some whipped crème left…

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Luan peeked around the corner and then pulled back. She had heard someone downstairs, but they hadn't come upstairs yet. The banana crème pie sitting on the stool next to her had 'to whom it may concern' written on it in icing.

Creeping up behind her, was her white haired younger brother, a pie tin filled with whipped crème in his hand.

Luan wiggled in place, keeping herself limber and ready to act at a moment's notice, the floor boards squeaking under her feet as she shifted her weight.

Lincoln timed his movements to match her's, almost as if the two were dancing together.

When Luan began to hum a song to herself and Lincoln found himself humming along with her, there was no more 'almost' about it.

"Oh, don't you dare look back," Lincoln sang with her as he realized she'd known he was there the whole time.

"Just keep your eyes on me," she sang, scooping up the pie and spinning around with a great big smile on her face.

"You're holding back," he continued, rushing forward.

"Shut up and dance with me!" she finished as they both swung.

 ***Splat!***

"Was it good for you?" Luan teased as she wiped off her face and laughed.

Lincoln couldn't help but laugh along with her. "Yeah, I totally creamed you!"

"Good one!" Luan complimented him. "Got time to hear some of my latest material?"

"Wish I could but I need to talk to Lisa about the science fair," he replied, accepting a towel from the punniest Loud and helping her clean up the mess.

"Decided it wouldn't be 'fair' to use the Loud Lava Launcher?" Luan alliterated.

"If I want better than an honorable mention, I need to do something new. You can't perform at your best using old material all the time," he explained.

Luan nodded. "I hear ya. Just remember, working with Lisa has its own hazards."

"Eh," he shrugged, unconcerned, "if our future selves don't travel back in time to stop us, how bad a decision could it be?"

Luan laughed. "Good one!"

 ***Boom!***

"Well from the sound of the explosion, Lisa will have some time to talk while she cleans up the debris, so I'll catch your act later," he said.

"Have fun, brominator," she said, collecting the pie tins to take to the kitchen.

Humming the same song once more they headed in opposite directions.

He didn't bother knocking, knowing Lisa would be half deaf from the explosion for at least a little while.

Lisa was briefly surprised as she saw Lincoln help her restore her room and straighten the furniture back up but quickly recovered. "Greetings my favorite assistant, thanks for the assistance," she lisped loudly, her ears still ringing.

Lincoln merely gave her a thumbs up and waited till everything was back in order and Lisa had put in some eardrops to say, "I need your help on the science fair."

Lisa smiled broadly. "I did not expect this, but it is welcome. What is driving your need to excel at this time?"

Lincoln shrugged. "I like to try new things and I wouldn't mind having a trophy I actually earned, or partially earned since this is a team effort, for once."

"I approve," Lisa said. "Do you have any idea what your project should be about?"

"I was thinking something simple but useful, like an easy to make muscle reader." Seeing she was confused, he explained, "Something that can send a signal when you flex a muscle a certain way."

Lisa's eyes lit up. "That branch of technological research has been of great importance to the development of proper prosthesis."

"I was thinking of using it to trigger fake Wolverine claws," Lincoln admitted, a bit embarrassed.

"The development of implantable technology is no less important," Lisa assured him. "We could hardly develop cyborgs without it."

Lincoln perked up. "So, you'll help me?"

"Of course," Lisa replied, already getting excited about the many possibilities this field of study offered.

A pinpoint of light blossomed in the middle of the room, slowly growing into a blinding white sphere that crackled with power and blew all the loose paper in the room. The sphere popped with an inconspicuous ping, revealing two familiar looking individuals just a few years older than the current pair.

"No cyborgs?" Lisa guessed.

"Not using our current knowledge of AIs," the older Lisa replied.

"Why am I bald?" Lincoln asked his teenage self. "Radiation?"

Teen Lincoln grinned. "Keep an eye out for an anime called One Punch Man, it rocks!"

Both Lisas sighed and removed their glasses to clean them.

"Are you guys going to vanish now?" Lincoln asked.

"Time travel breaks causality," older Lisa explained. "I'm afraid we are here to stay. I'll see what resources I can scrounge up to help cover the cost for our housing," Older Lisa promised her younger self.

"No need," Teen Lincoln replied, "I memorized some lottery numbers and stocks before we came back."

"I told you not to do that," Older Lisa complained. "The risks are too high!"

Older Lincoln shook his head. "Sharing that information could cause problems, but it's no more potentially dangerous than what we already know and we can use the resources."

"I hadn't thought of that," the two small scientists chorused.

"If you don't memorize the lottery numbers before you come back, you don't deserve to have a time machine," the Lincolns chorused.

"We should go," the older Lisa said, "our presence could seriously disrupt your home life and there is limited room for a second lab anyway."

"Keep me posted on your location," Lisa said, "I'll be sure to send any others of us who show up to wherever you decide to go."

The older Lisa sighed. "Yes, it is highly probably that incidents like this will happen again, though I had not considered it before this instance."

"Bathroom," Teen Lincoln said, ducking out of the room to use the john.

"Well, now that that is settled, do you have any other ideas for a science project?" Lisa asked Lincoln.

"Can we teach an old dog new tricks?" Lincoln asked. "I mean, how hard would it be to increase an animal's intelligence with the right diet and nutrition?"

A spark of light appeared in the center of the room and quickly expanded into yet another sphere that disgorged another pair of Loud siblings.

"Much closer to our age this time," Lincoln noted.

"So, a no on enhancing animal intelligence?" Lisa asked.

Her near twin nodded. "While Planet of the Apes was an interesting movie, the reality is a lot less enjoyable."

"Lord Harambe is kind to human children, but has little use for adults, considering them dangerous," the new Lincoln explained.

"Looks like we are going to need a bigger lab," the oldest Lisa noted. "We have plans for alternate housing at a separate location rather than risk altering out family's natural development."

"We should get moving," the new Lincoln said, "it'll be dark soon."

"I doubt we have to worry about night patrols any longer," the new Lisa pointed out, "however, unaccompanied minors do have more problems at night, admittedly."

"Visit during the holidays," Lincoln ordered, "you can pretend to be our cousins, so no one freaks out."

"Two percent!" the oldest Lisa called out, looking in the hallway, before turning back to the others. "We'll email," she promised.

Once the three had departed, Lisa turned to Lincoln. "I think you should stick to the baking soda volcano."

"Yeah, I kinda figured," Lincoln agreed with a sigh, before helping Lisa collect and sort all the papers that had been blown about.

"I could help you spice up the volcano a little," Lisa offered.

A spark of light grew into another sphere, but it was a small one and when it popped there was simply a piece of paper with the word 'no' written on it.

"Looks like you're on your own, but on a more pleasant note, we seem to have figured out how to send notes so we need not deal with more time generated clones of ourselves," Lisa offered.

Luan poked her head in the door. "Why did I start seeing double a minute ago?"

"Bad idea," Lincoln replied.

"What?" Luan asked before recalling what he'd said earlier. "You're kidding!"

"I'm afraid not," Lisa said, easily figuring out what wasn't being said. "Apparently we cannot work on the science fair together without causing problems."

"You could do a project on that," Luan joked, making Lincoln laugh.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

"Looks like I'm stuck with the volcano," Lincoln said.

"It's good enough for the fair," Luan assured him. "Hey, Linc? You ever consider working out a bit and shaving your head?"

"Two percent!" Lisa grumbled-growled out. "I have already outlined why it's a bad idea."

Luan grinned. "I don't see any copies of us coming back from the future," she noted.

Lincoln opened his mouth, paused, and looked around. "Huh."

Lisa rubbed her temples.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**

 **AN: innuendo? What's that? (This was fun to write!)  
**


End file.
